


Frustrations At Two In The Morning

by K_Lionheart



Category: Free!
Genre: F/M, Free! Eternal Summer, French Kissing, Implied Masturbation, Kissing, Making Out, Mild Explicit Language, Potential Spoilers, Season 2 spoilers, Sexual Frustration, Slight makogou if you squint, might totally happen, no longer underage, yay for safe fricking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-13
Updated: 2015-04-29
Packaged: 2018-02-20 23:14:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2446649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/K_Lionheart/pseuds/K_Lionheart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Matsuoka Gou can't swim. Until now. Now, she takes matters into her own hands. ...though, it probably wasn't a great idea to do so at two in the morning... especially when a certain freestyle swimmer seems to be unable to go to sleep either. Next thing you know, she's in the water, he nearly has a heart attack and then they end up alone in a club room... and one thing leads to another...<br/>(following the events of S2E08)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_01:43 AM_

Exactly one minute since the last time vermillion tinted irises had blearily glanced at the alarm clock. The digital numbers stared back at her with soft blue light. Miniscule numbers beneath the letters AM counted off in rhythmic and silent beats, the very seconds before her eyes ticking away in repetitive segments she has long since memorized yet cannot fully recount.

Before she knew it, Matsuoka Gou was fully and completely wide awake.

With an exasperated huff, she rolled over in the unfamiliar futon, wishing for the blankets of her bed and the hundreds of pillows where she could safely hide beneath until the sun rose, cradled in sleep and dreams that contained the delightful curves of men’s musculature. It was too late to be daydreaming, and while she wanted nothing more than to feel the familiar tug of exhaustion lace her lashed together and pull her under, something inside her refused to acquiesce.

Perhaps it was the lack of plushy pillows, or maybe it was the fact that the blanket draped over her body was a scratchy fleece and settled awkwardly over her own nightclothes. Whatever it was, Gou wasn’t lulled to sleep, and with every passing second, her frustration mounted. With a sharp inhale, the youngest Matsuoka, rolled over to her stomach and pushed herself over on her elbows. Head peeking up, she tried to locate the sleeping figure of her best friend—as expected Chigusa’s slow-breathing made the figure on the bed several feet away shift ever so slightly.

That was another thing, Gou mused. It was too dark for her liking. The window of her friend’s bedroom was obscured by somewhat translucent blinds of a dark purple color—stifling whatever light that tried to make its way inside. While Gou enjoyed a nice dark place to sleep like any other person, she loved the moonlight, and tonight’s full moon would’ve been perfect for a gentle fall into happy dreams. Even if she did end up rising up early to shut the drapes of her own bedroom to spare herself the sharper rays of sunlight, Gou thought it was worth it.

Chigusa obviously disagreed.

“Chigusa…” Gou whispered, forcing herself on her knees now. “Oi, Chigusa!”

The lump on top of the bed continued in its deep breathing, oblivious to the whispering redhead vying for attention. Before Gou could attempt to wake her companion up, she stopped, and exhaled in defeat. It had been awfully nice of the girl to offer Gou a place to sleep—they had stayed late at the school, Gou having to go take a remedial exam for a test she had failed, and then having to rush toward the swim club to finish overseeing the team’s training for the day and then making sure all the equipment was put away had tuckered the poor second year out. It had been that same day that Makoto had been expressing his situation with a young boy at the swimming facility, and how he was worried about how he’d be able to teach him to swim without being afraid.

Gou had been all but too excited to offer her two cents worth, having studied up on the proper methods of teaching someone how to swim. It wasn’t until Nagisa asked if she knew how to swim that made her words fall with less weight. _So what if I can’t swim…?_ She had thought, and when Haruka-senpai had spoken up with an expectant response the matter was dropped. It wasn’t until she was closing up the equipment shed that she felt Nagisa’s words hit her once more.

_That’s no good, Gou-chan! We can’t take you seriously if you don’t even know how to swim!_

All too suddenly, Gou had felt something fall inside her. A disappointment that made her feel inadequate, something that made the shoes on her feet press against her without comfort. _So what?_

“Ne, Kou-chan,” Chigusa had said as they walked down the street, the amber rays of the setting sun casting warm rays through the trees and shattering over the concrete. “You sure you can make it home? You look ready to collapse!”

Gou shook her head, “I’ll be fine, Hana-chan…” yet the yawn that broke through her lips and distorted the affectionate honorific made her argument fall short. Chigusa giggled and shook her head with a knowing smile.

“Come on, my house is within walking distance of the school. Call your mom and tell her you’re sleeping over.”

“I can’t do that,” Gou protested, pouting when Chigusa gave her a familiar look that meant she wouldn’t budge. Not long after that, Matsuoka Gou was calling her mother and letting her know that she would be spending the night at the Hanamura’s. Despite it being a weekday, Matsuoka-san agreed and told her that she would be sending her a change of clothes tomorrow morning before she headed off to work. With that taken care of, the two girls ambled their way to Chigusa’s house, giggling about the impromptu sleepover and whether or not they would be staying up late talking about boys, (or in Gou’s case, their fantastic muscles).

Sure enough, evening fell and after dinner, Gou had been allowed first dibs on the bath and then given clean nightclothes to sleep in. Cute as they were, the matching sleepware was tight over Gou’s body—which lead to Chigusa teasing her about her breasts and hips, “It’s a wonder you haven’t been jumped yet by your swim boys, Kou-chan, you’ve got a killer body!”

“Ch- _Chigusa_!” Gou had exclaimed, and the brunette laughed even as the redhead hastily placed her hands to cover her chest from view. Before long, they were talking more and more about the boys and how Gou was so happy to be with them, going so far as to admitting to understand why her onii-chan cared so much about them.

“They are so gay,” Chigusa snorted, laughing again when Gou replied with a pillow to the face. “Why else haven’t they jumped your bones, Gou?”

“ _For crying out loud, Chigusa!_ ”

“I’m just saying,” the brunette defended with a smirk, “At least try swimming with them, you never know, you could actually _touch_ their muscles if you get in the water.”

Gou rolled her eyes and instantly bid her friend goodnight. Lights off, and hours later… Gou could not fall asleep, and when her mind searched for cause, it dug up Nagisa’s words, and now, Chigusa’s. _At least try swimming with them._ Why would it matter if she swam or not? Was it a requirement for her to be able to swim in order to fit in her role as manager? Gou didn’t think so… but tucked within unfamiliar shadows and feeling strangely exposed to her own insecurities… she was beginning to think that if she didn’t know how to swim…

 _Trust the water. Accept the water, and it will accept you._ Haruka-senpai would add flair to words that hardly made sense to her, and yet she’d seen him swim. He took to water like he was born in it, like he was truly alive in it. If there was anything she could focus on about him, it was that—his unexplainable beauty whenever he swam, and even though she had seen better muscles on other men… Haruka-senpai was different. Haruka-senpai swam unrestrained by others. He swam because…because…

_Why does Haruka-senpai swim?_

_I don’t need a reason._ He had told her, and Gou had tried to understand it, tried to see more of him and figure out why he had answered in that way. She joined the swim team because she wanted an opportunity for her brother to be happy again, she wanted to see him _smile_ again. To not have a reason…

Sighing, Gou turned away from the translucent drapes and back into the alarm clock’s face.

_1:56 AM_

“Fuck,” she swore and had to bit down on her lip, shocked at the profanity. _Onii-chan’s rubbing off on me,_ she thought with a groan. Looking back down at the futon, Gou sighed again and reached under the pillow, pulling out the hair tie she had kept there for when she woke and tugged her long red hair into its usual place atop her head. There was no hope of going to sleep anytime soon, why bother?

Maybe a walk will get her tired enough to sleep…

With that in mind, Gou pushed herself away from her futon, found her socks—then thought against wearing them—and headed out Chigusa’s door quietly. The young brunette was so far off in sleep that she didn’t even budge when the knob creaked loudly, and with an exhale, Gou closed the door. The hallway was lit with the moon’s silver light, making it easy to find the stairs and toward the main foyer. Gou had been pleasantly surprised when she saw how the Hanamura’s household had so many large windows, allowing natural light in and giving the home a beautiful and ethereal glow.

Silent, Gou made her way down the staircase and toward the door. Unlocking it was tricky—Mr. Hanamura was a paranoid man, judging by all the crazy locks—yet only a few had been locked and weren’t difficult to figure out.

The air was pleasantly cool and smelled of the ocean (a perk to living in a coastal city), already Gou could feel a little more relaxed. Barefoot, Gou let her feet carry her down the concrete path and down the road, yet not knowing the neighborhood heavily discouraged the redhead from meandering too unchecked. So, she let her feet retrace the route the girls had taken from the school and before she knew it, Gou was on a street she had traversed hundreds of times.

The moonlight at this point was so bright that Gou didn’t feel too worried, and the streetlamps made it so that light wasn’t scarce. Yet, the silence was so great despite the occasional breeze whispering through tree branches that all Gou had were her thoughts.

Once more her mind retraced the words shared between her teammates, spoken from her best friend, and suddenly, Gou was questioning her own relevance on the team. _With Rei, they have all the club members they need. Makoto-senpai is a great leader, he could help them go through their drills without my help… Onii-chan doesn’t need me anymore… why am I still here?_

Muscles? Sure, they were great to look at and made Gou feel giddy when her eyes trailed over their form, but it wasn’t a passion. It wasn’t a strong enough reason to stay. Otherwise, she would be a girl that only joined a boy’s team to ogle at boys. The thought alone made her tongue sour and her chest to collapse over her stomach.

Her mind drifted again, teasing her with extremes and taunts. She did care about them, the team had become a part of her life. But, did they really need her? During the prelims, they had even poked at her decision to focus on them rather than ogle more men, is that all she had become to them?

They had meant well and they had shared great times together… but Gou suddenly felt like she had never been a part of them, just a means to an end.

The concrete was slowly becoming harder and harder to walk over, and after a while, she found herself in front of a familiar gate and fence. When she glanced up, it was to stare through the metal bars and see the surface of a familiar pool, the moon’s face reflected in the gentle rippling of the water’s surface. _Why…?_

_Why don’t you just learn how to swim?_

Gou’s lips tightened into a thin line.

_No good, Gou-chan! We can’t take you seriously if you don’t even know how to swim!_

Fists clenching, Gou pulled herself together. She may not know how to swim, but that didn’t mean she would never be able to. She knew the basics! She had already studied on the important things, the techniques, the strokes, she had all but fully memorized the crucial details of swimming. She could do this!

And so, Gou Matsuoka turned her attention to a nearby brick, and gathered the spare key they had been given to enter the pool. Brushing aside polite promises made to school administrators about not using the pool after hours, Gou shoved the key’s teeth through the lock and with a turn and clang, took her own relevance into her own hands.

\--

_1:59 AM_

It didn’t matter how much he tossed and turned, sleep would not come. Sleepy cobwebs landed over his eyes and despite his slow insistence, they soon fell away leaving Nanase Haruka to chase after them in vain. Curiously and against his better knowledge, he peered at his nightstand, the face of his alarm clock staring back innocently and displaying a ludicrously late hour.

Scowling, the dark haired young man shoved his head back down and pressed his face against his pillow. _Come on, Nanase,_ the thought was sharp and reprimanding. _Sleep._

So he tried to visualize the ocean’s surface. Deep blue edges broken by the perfect crashes of silver white surf and the reflection of a full moon… yet the desire to let his body float within its confines stirred an anxiousness he didn’t need. He tried to get his mind to calm down, to slow and drift, yet it wouldn’t.

_Why do you swim?_

_You know what you’re doing after we graduate?_

_I haven’t figured that out yet…_

_I just want to be free…_

So many different voices and faces, all of them asking him what he wanted. Hadn’t he made it clear enough? That perfect moment where he was following the water’s push and pull was all he needed, all he could possibly ask for. No restraints, no pushes or pulls of outside inhibitions… just perfect balance and the beautiful caress of water on skin.

What do you want, Haruka?

He sighed, pushing himself to his back and staring at his ceiling, suddenly feeling too still for his jittering nerves. With a grunt, the lone Nanase dropped a hand beneath the covers of his bed and let his fingers reach for the hem of his shorts. The fabric gave to the quick shove of his hand and with practiced motions, he let his hands reach around himself and give a few tugs and squeezes. Slowly, he felt his body react to the touches and he almost sighed when he could feel the blood begin to flow into the organ in his palm. Closing his eyes, Haru tried to distract himself from the voices, tried to distract from the frustration that plagued him, tried to recollect the feel of water on skin, the freedom that made him feel more than elation; made him feel completed.

His fingers pulled, caressed, and gripped, yet despite the pleasant tingles… the faint responses weren’t enough. Blinking his eyes open he glanced over at the clock…

_2:13 AM_

“ _Fuck_ ,” he swore, gritting his teeth and yanking his hand away from his shorts—feeling more frustrated now that he couldn’t get off. It was not a usual thing he would do, only having heard from other boys in classes about how its feels so great it knocks you out and helps you sleep like nothing else. He had only tried it in two other instances, but trying to watch porn only made him feel sick instead of aroused, and the only time it worked was after he visualized himself surrounded by water.

Even now, that’s left him.

Tossing the blankets off his body, Haruka let his feet take him out his room, down the stairs into his running shoes and out his door, slamming it shut behind him. It wasn’t like he had a family to worry about disturbing, and he doubted having them here would make things better. _Work up a sweat, Haru._ He thought as he let his legs take to wide strides and a vigorous jog, hoping that the slap of cold air would take him into a mind clear of irritation and confusion.

Down the concrete stairs his body flew, passing by the route to Makoto’s household without a second glance until his feet met the familiar sand covered gravel road that edged the beach.

Short gasps through his mouth and deep inhales through his nostrils, Haru swung his arms, deepening his breaths as he registered the pleasant tang of ocean mist and the coastal winds. He found his rhythm, feet rolling off the ground in silent falls and pushing off so that he could feel energy through his bones. This close to the ocean the air was chillier, yet he could already feel the familiar heat of his muscles as they worked. The thought, strangely enough, reminded him of Gou’s face and how it would sparkle whenever she saw exposed curves of flesh. The amusement lasted a single breath before he remembered her words, the eager curiosity in her eyes…

_Why do you swim?_

“I don’t have a reason…” He said, and back then the words were sure, now they tasted bitter and made his frustration mount. With a burst, he increased his speed.

He wanted to swim.

Before he knew it, his feet were carrying him down a familiar road. As he ran, he ignored the stragglers, the occasional bark of a dog, the passing figure of a car zooming toward an unknown destination. He didn’t have his swimtrunks with him, but he needed to find peace again. He needed to let his weight to carry within the confines of a square means of freedom. He needed to be free.

So he ran and he let the bright moonlight guide him. He remembered the brick by the fence, remembered the key that promised him entrance to their pool, _his pool_ , and he allowed himself some slight hope, felt his body lean further with anticipation and boost his strides to lengthen. The road rose, taking an incline that made his calves and thighs burn, but Haru refused to relent. He knew he was just moments away from clearing his mind… so he pushed on.

Over the hill, Haru spotted the looming vestige of the high school, its presence taking a more subdued appearance beneath silver light and a star studded background. A small smile crept over his lips, disappearing with a huff of air as he followed the turn of the fence, the grounds and the road that would lead him to Iwatobi High’s swimming pool.

As he followed the street, found the pathway of uniformly lined trees and the quiet fence that guarded the pool, Haru slowed down to a trot, a jog, until finally he slowed to a walk. Sweat glistened against his forehead, making his hair stick in strands against his brow as he huffed and found his bearings. The closer he got, the greater his relief had spread… until…

Slender eyebrows furrowed over his nose, knitting together as he caught something that wasn’t right…then… heard something bizarre. The gate swung slightly in the breeze, warmer now that it wasn’t so close to the ocean’s mouth, and Haruka’s teeth tightened shut. _It isn’t supposed to be open._ When his eyes fell to the ground, the brick lay on its side, key gone.

For an instant, Haruka’s anger flared. _Who the fucking hell had the right to enter the pool?_ Idiots, there was no doubt, and as the dark haired teen approached, he caught the faint splashes of water—by no means caused by the wind. With a quick step, Haru neared the gate and pulled through, the metal creaking behind him as he passed by. His eyes fell over one of the benches, seeing discarded clothing without giving it much thought, lips already curling into a vicious snarl and ready to call out the morons who thought it’d be funny to trespass into _his_ pool.

All words died on his tongue the second his eyes landed on the figure within the pool, mouth falling open and throat drying in stunned silence.

Idiots, Haruka had expected. Maybe one, or two… he didn’t care if he had to fight them, in fact he would’ve enjoyed a good fight if it meant getting his frustrations out.

He didn’t expect a woman.

He didn’t expect a _naked_ woman.

Beneath the silver cast of the moonlight, Haruka felt speech leave him when he recognized the fiery red tresses—the curve of that jaw, the exposed throat, the closed eyelids—knowing they only belonged to one certain Matsuoka. Then his eyes followed her floating figure, saw how her chest rose past the surface of the water, the rest of her naked and curvy figure beneath the surface, the slender and gentle kick of her legs as she carefully propelled herself afloat… _the triangle of hair just between her thighs—_

_Kou?_

Stunned, he watched her as she drifted closer and closer toward one of the pool’s walls, one of her arms slowly extended above her head within the water to catch herself before she collided against the stone. The peaks of her breasts shimmered with the touch of water, making her skin look iridescent beneath the moonlight’s shameless stare. Without warning, Haruka witnessed her opposite hand reached down to caress the tops of her thighs, fingers playing against sensitive flesh before reaching further down to dip against the private curve of her pelvic bone. Then _she sighed—_ light and breathy, with just enough of a moanto shock a violent heat to spread from the back of his neck over his face to shoot all the way down to his crotch.

The sound had jumpstarted him, yanking him from the dumbfounded spell to turn away to take several steps away and out of sight.

 _What was she **doing** here?!_ The thought was frantic, and the rest of his body felt like every single nerve had been shot full of electricity. Even worse, the organ he had hoped to spark to life minutes ago in his room was now fully alert and erect, causing pressure to build in a way Haruka had never experienced before. This was nothing like walking up to morning wood, this was the reaction he had only heard from his classmates when they talked about watching the latest erotic anime or video. Yet none of those things had made him react this way… yet the single figure of Matsuoka _Gou_ , naked and floating within a pool did??

_Naked and completely covered in molten moonshine… the peaks of her breasts heaving slightly with her breath, dark rose tips hardened from the chill…_

How would they feel like beneath his finger— _No._

Haruka shook his head vehemently, quickly shoving a hand down to his crotch to force the tent of his shorts down. Instead, the single touch sparked an almost violent pleasure through his system and the image of Gou’s fingers wandering down to touch herself, elicit another breathy little moan, made the teenager almost groan aloud.

A loud gasp, “Who’s there?” then a splash reached his ears.

 _Fuckfuckfuck Fuck._ Did he actually groan out loud? _Shit._

Haruka remained silent, biting down on his lips and taking his hands away from his erect member. Hoping that Gou hadn’t heard and the complete state of his mind made it very hard to flee ( _his legs were shaking so damn bad_ ).

Quiet, quiet… Haruka inwardly insisted, yet he heard the splashes intensify and then another gasp. Alerted by the strange sounds, he turned his eyes over the corner of his hiding place, ready to look away and book it if she pulled out of the pool and tried to look for him. Instead, his chest collided to his feet when he saw the splashes intensify— _what is—is she…?!_

A strangled shout escaped through the splashes, gurgling with water and making the adrenaline already sparked in his blood to shoot toward his legs. With practiced ease, Haruka ran up the steps that lead to the pool, kicked his shoes off and threw his shirt over his head. The closer he got, the more he saw her struggling against the water, arms flailing as she tried to stay afloat.

“Kou!” Haruka exclaimed without thinking.

 _She can’t swim?!_ The thought was instantaneous and before he could think anymore of it, he was already diving into the pool. The water was cold and shocking enough to clear his mind, and the image of Gou’s naked figure vanished with the need to get her out of the water. He reached her with a few strokes, arms wrapping around her naked waist and hoisting her out from beneath the surface.

Gou sputtered, coughing violently and gasping, her hands wrapping around his shoulder blades and gripping down hard with her fingernails. She twisted in his hold, still in a panic and Haru let out a sharp grunt when he felt one of her elbows collide against his sternum. Kicking with his legs and using his other arm to tread, Haruka pushed them both toward the edge of the pool, glancing over to her and seeing her hair curtain over her face, waterlogged and dark with pool water.

When his hands finally got them to the edge, she was pressing tight against him, coughing violently. Finally, one of her hands pulled away from his chest, hastily shoving the strands of her loosened hair out of her face. In the moonlight, she blinked up at him, pushing water from her vision. Haruka was almost struck dumb once more by the gleam of ruby red within her irises, reflected silver light making her eyes look big and bright. “ _Ha-Haruka-senpai?!_ ”

“Are you alright?” He asked, breathing hard and trying not to get distracted by her gaping lips, the way her body squeezed against his for dear life— _where those her bare breasts against his chest??_

Gou nodded slowly, coughing into her hand and shaking against him with effort. After a moment she looked up at him, eyes wider than before and a bright flush to her cheeks, it seemed the matter of her nudity would not be ignored and Haru could feel the fluttering of her heartbeat against his ribs speed up, nearly matching his.

Quickly her hands pushed at him, her head falling to avert her gaze, “H-Haruka-senpai, I-I’m not—” she stammered, one of her thighs moved against his hips and just barely grazed him, making him nearly hiss in surprise.

_Focus!_

“What are you doing here, Kou?” He asked, eyebrows furrowing as he tried to recall his anger, yet all he could do is scowl and hope she didn’t notice the fact strain in his shorts.

Gou could hardly get a coherent sentence out, her body flushed so bright and shook so hard against him, it made it harder to keep her safely away from his pelvis. He sighed, trying to force his chest to calm down, “Let’s get you out of here first, then you’ll explain later. Can you swim?”

Gou nodded weakly, fingers fidgeting over his shoulder blades nervously. The sensation felt delicious over his heated skin, but Haruka inwardly shook his mind from it. Slowly, he let her go and she scrambled away, the water splashing bubbles around her figure. Her hands griped to the edge of the pool and Haruka waded away, forcibly turning his gaze elsewhere while she tried to follow. The sound of their bodies splashing was all that followed for a moment as he began to swim further into the pool to reach the nearest rail. A loud splash and a gasp reached his ears, when he turned he saw her head just barely out over the surface and he let out hard breath before swimming toward her. He grabbed her arms and tugged them over his neck, and his mind all but blanked out when he felt her chest rub against his back. _He should’ve kept on that stupid shirt._

“Hold on to me,” He said and kicked them through the water, his powerful legs working with hers as they neared the rail. Focusing on their breathing and keeping his head above water was a simple task that became difficult with every single bob of their bodies against each other. _Kou’s naked. She’s **naked**. She’s naked and her breasts are pressing against me. _ Beneath the water, her skin was soft and Haruka grit his teeth.

_Focus, Nanase! If Rin knew about what you’re thinking now he’d rip you to shreds!_

By the time their hands reached the rail, they were scrambling away from each other. Gou climbed out of the pool and Haru kept his eyes firmly in another direction. When she was out, he quickly followed, water spilling into the concrete around them as she rapidly moved toward the bench with her clothes. The raven-haired youth hustled his way toward his discarded shoes and shirt, whipping his soaked hair out of his face. He was just about to pull the fabric over his head when he caught the sight of Gou’s backside, still bare, and he would’ve tried to ignore it if not for the fact that she wasn’t moving, only shivering.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, turning his gaze elsewhere.

“Ah!” She exclaimed, hastily sitting down on the bench and covering her body from his sight, “Uhm…it’s just… these aren’t my clothes…”

“ _What?_ ” Haruka sputtered, eyes widening.

Gou’s voice trembled, “Well, they’re Hana-chan’s… and I can’t get them wet otherwise she’ll know about this and…” she trailed off. Haruka nodded, almost groaning out loud. Without a word he tossed her his shirt. It landed on her shoulder and she grabbed it quickly.

“Take my shirt, I don’t care if you wet it.” he said, and he nearly kicked himself when his mind glued itself to the word _wet_ , and the image of Gou floating within the pool came back up to punch him in the gut and reawaken his cock. _Dammit,_ not _now_.

To his relief, when he glanced up again, she had tugged the material over her head and was tugging it quickly down, her soaking hair was then yanked out and it fell past to her thighs. Thankfully his shirt just reached past the tops of her thighs and he thanked her smaller frame for it—wanted to thank it a little more personall—what is the _matter with him?!_

“Come on,” He said, clenching and unclenching his fists at his sides. “Let’s get inside the club room, I’m sure we’ve got some spare towels for you to dry off with.”

Gou nodded, but refused to turn around for a moment. For a second he wondered about her hesitation until… “Haruka-senpai… Did… did you see…?”

For a moment he was baffled. _Of course he saw—Oh…_ Oh.

Lie. Lie to her.  

Haruka blurted out, “Y-yeah…” before cringing.

_Nice going, Haru._

Shut up, Haru.

 “Oh…” Gou replied, her arms wrapping around herself before she turned around, avoiding his gaze as she picked up her clothes and powerwalked toward the stairs and then the club room. Haruka didn’t know what to do aside from following nervously, making sure his eyes _didn’t_ follow the pert bounce of her rear end behind the now hugging fabric of his shirt against the supple curves of her skin— _holy shit._ When they reached the club room, she was already fishing out the key from the pocket of her clothes, and unlocking the door quickly.

The clubroom was dark save the permittence of moonlight, and when Haru reached for the light he was quickly stopped by Gou’s plea, “Don’t turn it on… we don’t want to attract attention.”

The teen pursed his lips, but decided to accept the call. He didn’t want to get any more distracted by a clearer image of her in his shirt, soaked and just barely covered. _Although his mind had no problem pulling that imagery up._

While the shadows provided the modesty Gou needed, it didn’t provide a quick way to the towels they had in spares. It took almost three times as long to get to the damn things than it would have otherwise. Something clattered to the floor, nearly spooking him and the very fact nearly made him roll his eyes. _I’ve turned into Makoto._

Yet, the sound didn’t just jumpstart his nerves, it woke the initial questions that had popped in his mind the second his eyes had landed on Gou in the pool.

“Kou,” He spoke and he heard her give a small start, “What are you doing here?”

She didn’t respond as immediately as he would’ve hoped, however, he wasn’t surprised at her desire to remain silent. She was quiet for so long that Haruka felt his body move to glance over his shoulder. She had a towel over her head, her arms working at the fabric through her hair and effectively making the fabric of his shirt rise higher than it was proper. A steady stream of moonlight highlighted her lower thighs, and for a moment, Haruka almost fell back into the bind that had captured him into a gawking silence. _If Rin saw him staring at his sister’s legs…_ It was enough to make the third year turn away with a tight grit of his teeth. _What the hell was the matter with him?_

“I wanted to swim,” She replied finally, helping his mind to return—at last—to rationality. Her voice was shaky, exhaling a nervous breath while trying to be firm.

“At two in the morning?”

She didn’t reply after that for a long moment and a shiver ran up his skin when he remembered he was still soaking wet. Finally…

“I… I don’t know how to swim,” She admitted. Haruka fought the urge to respond with a grunt, almost motioning to his own sopping wet figure. He didn’t have to, “I mean, you already know that. It’s just… I couldn’t sleep—I was at Hana-chan’s house, we had a sleepover because I was too tired to take the train home—and this entire time I couldn’t get my mind off the fact that… that I couldn’t really offer much credible advice to Makoto-senpai’s problem during practice. I can’t swim, the only reason why I joined the swim club was because I knew you guys would be able to help onii-chan. Now that you have, I don’t know what I’m doing here anymore. I don’t know if you all even need me…”

All matter of indecency had gone, replaced by the sober words that had fallen from Gou’s lips like frigid pool water. For a moment, Haruka didn’t know what to say, so he said nothing.

“Haruka-senpai,” Gou’s voice was soft but still clear in the tense darkness. Haru nearly gave himself whiplash trying not to look up at her. It was dark, yes, but his eyes were already used to the moonlit lighting, and if he were to look up he’d probably find her quite easily. “I’ve found an extra towel… uhm… Do you want your shirt back?”

Haruka swallowed thickly, before clearing his throat as quietly as he could, “Keep it… until you’re dry enough to change.”

“Alright,” Gou replied and the silence that followed was almost a relief until he could hear her making soft noises as she moved around and dried herself off. Each little grunt and sigh she made, no matter how tiny it was, was like electric pulses through his skin, making every hair on damp skin stand on end. The sound of fabric peeling off skin and slapping to the ground in a wet splotch made him jump, and he could feel his throat work as he heard her take an intake of breath—“It’s not very big, but it should help at least…” She spoke again, and he would’ve missed it if not for the fact he heard her footsteps near.

“Thanks,” He murmured, and turned around to reach a hand, wanting to make sure she had all the privacy she needed.

In a moment he felt the coarse material press against his palm. He was just gripping it when he heard her gasp and felt the towel yank harshly against his grip as one of her hands scrambled to grab his elbow. In his surprise, he was yanked along, feeling his feet give easily as the puddle of water beneath his feet over the smooth floor provided no traction for control.

He heard her hit the ground just before he followed, eyes wide as he tried to spin his body back to balance. Instead, he crashed right on top of her, one of his wrists tweaking when his hands landed roughly against the ground.

“Oomph!” They both grunted, hers a little louder when he felt one of his knees landed right between her legs. The towel in his hand was lost and he felt something soft graze his chest. Gou let out a pained groan, her body turning and arching beneath him as she tried to push back up. “Haruka-senpai, I’m so sorry, I slipped—”

Then she moved again, her thigh rising to brush along his inner thigh and finally rubbing against his crotch, the sensation was so abrupt he let out a soft moan of surprise. “Don’t move!” He hissed, and she froze immediately, leg still pressed against the strain in his soaking wet shorts.

“What—are you alright—Haruka—” Gou breathed again and Haru recognized the softness against his skin as the fabric of her towel and… the soft… touch and caress of a perky breast…

Pushing himself to his elbows he looked down over her, biting down on his lip when she let out a gasp and then he realized his leg was also inappropriately close to her crotch. Haruka tried to scramble away, alarmed, yet the water betrayed him and his foot slipped again when he managed to somewhat get to his knees and away from her. Instead, he found himself fully pressed over her body and Gou let out a high-pitched squeak when he tried to pull himself up again and his fingers pinched at her towel, forcing the fabric to expose her further.

“Shit, shit,” Haruka swore, “Kou, I’m—” the apology never made it past his teeth when he heard her let out a soft moan, and then he realized where he had fallen again, and how his hips were pressed right against hers and he knew _she could feel him._

“Senpai,” She breathed, tone high and her hands finding his collarbone, his tricep… “Stop moving.”

Haru obliged, feeling his mind spin this way and that as he tried to find away to get off—get _away_ from her without making this situation any harder— _dammit_ —complicated on them both.

Two seconds past, two very long seconds before Haruka could get his act together and slowly pull away. “Okay,” He said thickly, very carefully keeping his gaze fixed on a crack on the floor beneath them and the way her hair splayed out just by his pinky. “I’m going to get off you now, but you need to lower your legs…”

Gou nodded fervently, and he realized she wasn’t breathing. Inhaling through his teeth, he tilted his body until he managed to roll off to the side. The second they were apart, the two of them sprang away, Gou breathing in with a light whimper and once he was sitting up he was squeezing his knees with all the force he could muster to keep from exploding with humiliation.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Gou pleading softly, and Haru tensed when he heard her sniffle. “I’m a klutz… I practically sexually harassed you! Please forgive me, Haruka-senpai.” Her voice cracked at his name, making him feel at a loss, “This whole situation is my fault, and I keep making things harder on you and the team… I shouldn’t be the manager,” _whoa—what?_ “I should just quit the swim club and—“

“—Kou, what are you—“

“—it’ll be better that way, right? You won’t have to worry about me bothering you again—“

“—Kou, stop—”

At this point she was blathering on, words tight as she wept and Haru knew that he had to face her. To his momentary relief, she had the towel wrapped around her figure and was sitting on the floor with her arms wrapped around her waist.

“—please don’t try and stop me, senpai,” She said through a hiccuping sob, “I should have quit before this year started.”

Before he could think he was pushing off his knees and taking three steps toward her, grabbed her around the shoulder and turned her around to face him. Beneath the moonlight, her tears were like stars, twinkling over the sheen of her eyes, the ruby of her irises, “Kou,” Haruka said fiercely, “Don’t think for one second that none of us appreciate you.”

Her eyes went wide, searching his for a sign of fraud, “Senpai…” she murmured, eyebrows furrowing together over her nose in despaired expression before she ducked her gaze away from his sight. “Why would you? We’re not friends, Senpai. I’ve only ever been a nuisance…”

Fingers gripping to her skin, Haruka gave her a small shake, forcing her slumped figure to straighten, for her eyes to fall into his once more, “No,” he said once more, lips curling into a scowl as he faced her. “Kou, if it wasn’t for you…I would’ve never been able to swim with Rin, with Makoto…Nagisa…Rei. We would have never become an official club if you hadn’t joined. I owe a lot to you…” he trailed off, realizing how his own mind narrowed over the words said by his friends, the pressures he now faced.

“You’re important to me, even if I don’t say it…” He finished, his grip on her shoulders slackening to trace their way toward her elbows. The hyperawareness returned when he felt her skin pucker with goosebumps, the way her eyes blinked away more tears and her expression softened.

“Haruka-senpai,” Gou spoke again, lips trembling and all too abruptly, Haru was aware of how close he was to breathing her in. He could smell the chlorine, and just the faintest trace of berries in her hair, _her skin was so soft._

There was a thin moment between them, like a glass being suspended in mid-air without sign of moving up or down, all they could do was stare at each other through it. Then her eyes—her wide, _deep red eyes_ —flicked from his gaze to his lips, and he could swear he felt the way they traced his skin, made his tongue peek out from behind his teeth to moisten the edges. He couldn’t help but follow, find her lips with his eyes and see the same action of her pink tongue darting over her lower lip before disappearing and he remembered the sounds she had made when she was caught in the pool’s surface…

Like some kind of mythical creature; beautiful, fair, and showing a serenity beneath the moon’s watchful gaze that he believed only he had been able to feel. Until now…

When their eyes found each other again, it was with a tug and a zing through his spine that made him inch closer, made his heart race and breathing to quicken when he felt her react just the same. Her mouth was just inches away, and her pupils were blown and half-lidded with an emotion he could not identify but could feel it make his body react. One millions nerves fired off, making him feel hotter than ever despite the cold drops of water still clinging to his skin.

“Senpai,” She breathed again and he could practically _taste_ her in the air that circulated between them. Haruka’s brain spun, dizzying with the need to feel her, to run his hands over the inches of flesh the pool water had already claimed and memorized.

“Kou…” His mouth was centimeters away, their noses bumping as he saw her eyes flutter close, her chin lifting to meet his lips with hers. He sucked in a shuddered breath, when he felt her hands lift to press against his collarbone, the faintest brush of her mouth against the most outer layer of his skin made the heat wash over him like lava. She tilted her head once more, pressing her lips against his that wasn’t a kiss but made him want to taste her, to kiss her properly.

So Haruka let his mouth press against hers once more. Instinct took over, urging him to capture her lower lip between his teeth and she let out another moan—Haru nearly went insane.

How they had ended up back on the floor, he had no idea. All he could feel was her arms wrapping around his neck, her fingers digging into his scalp and shoulder blades, the coarse fabric of her towel rubbing against his chest and teasing him with the softness of her breasts. Her mouth worked against his, sucking and nibbling with a growing passion that was making it hard to breath through his nose—he had only ever been kissed once, and that was by a girl who had caught him by surprise and it had only been the slightest peck of lips over lips—this, this was something else completely.

Suddenly, he felt her tongue drag over his upper lip, and his body gave a sharp shudder before he felt his own enthusiasm part his lips to meet her tongue halfway. She gave a little groan at this and suddenly she was pulling away and making the spots growing behind his eyes disappear abruptly.

“What is it?” He asked, nearly panting as he looked down at her. He was strangely pleased to see her cheeks flushed dark and her lips bruised and swollen, but he stopped when she stared up at him strangely.

“Was… that your first kiss, Senpai?” She murmured after a short moment of breathing. Haru almost blanched, felt his stomach fall to the ground. Her fingers in his hair moved to cradle the juncture of his jaw and neckline, “No, no, it was good. It was… _very_ good… I just… _we’re kissing…_ ”

The comment was like a blow to his gut and the realization nearly made him push away completely, “Rin’s going to _kill_ me,” He groaned, ducking his head to press his forehead over her clavicle. “We should stop,” He said before pushing himself off his elbows to remove his body from hers.

He was stopped, Gou rising her body to pull him down and let their lips meet once more. It nearly made his hair curl. When she pulled away she was smiling at him and he vaguely realized his eyes were blinking lazily. “Thank you… Haruka-senpai,” she said and he felt something in his chest give a profound flutter at the sight.

“For what?”

“For rescuing me…” and she said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

He almost bent down to kiss her again, to let his mind relinquish all control over his body and make her feel what he had felt when he had seen her in the pool. Yet, something in him only tugged him further away until he was on his feet and seizing the spare towel off the floor where it had landed. Quickly he yanked the fabric over his scalp and began rubbing furiously at the moisture, trying to breathe slowly and calm the ramming of his heart, the pulsing in his shorts.

Moments later, he heard Gou announce she was done changing. His stomach wobbled when he saw the pajamas hug her figure deliciously, pinching at her tiny waist and stretching over the pert expanse of her chest— _son of a bitch._

“I’m sorry about your clothes…” She apologized after they had walked out the door of the clubroom, locked it and then walked through the open gate. Haruka shook his head, his fingers working against the frayed edges of the spare towel sitting over his shoulders.

“Its fine,” he replied with his usual shrug-like disposition.

Gou scowled, her hands tugging the key through the gate’s lock and slidding it shut. “But, you’re still soaking wet. You’re going to get sick.”

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll be fine. I don’t live far,” He admitted.

Gou’s lips pursed again and the memory of them pressed against his made him shiver. She noticed. “You’re shivering, senpai.”

“It’s nothing,” he insisted, “Let me walk you back to your friend’s.” The offer took her by surprise, yet Gou nodded regardless.

The walk down the road was almost painfully silent, awkward, and maddening. After their impromptu meeting, rescue, being practically naked against each other and then the intense make out in the clubroom, trying to come up with anything to say was like scaling a very precarious mountain. What could be said? What should be said? Neither of them knew—Haruka was grateful, at least, that he was already reknown for being naturally taciturn. Yet, Gou’s silence was what truly drove the weight of their predicament home, and he found himself hating the short foot of space between them as they moved through the streets.

The entire walk down to Chigusa’s house was supremely difficult. Dealing with soaking wet clothes in cool weather was hard enough as it was and concealing his shivers was becoming increasingly impossible, all on top of the fact that Haru could not, for the very life of him, stop from glancing over to Gou. His eyes would always land where they shouldn’t; the curve of her neck, the plump cushions of her lips, the luscious bounce of her breasts ( _was she not wearing a **bra**?!). _

By the time they had reached the Hanamura residence, Haru was ready to stick his head beneath his pillow and die there. Gou walked up the steps with quiet movements, her hand turning the knob and letting out a breath of relief when the door gave with a push. Then she turned around and faced him, skin glowing with moonshine and making him nearly choke on a breath.

“Thank you, Haruka-senpai,” she said, her fingers figeting with her clothes, eyes darting this way and that before landing on his.

“It was nothing,” Haru replied, and she smiled at him again. Suddenly, her lips were against his once more and he could hardly stop himself from grabbing her waist and pulling her tight against his chest. Yet, the kiss was too quick for him and when she pulled away he almost followed. Blinking blue eyes open, he saw the pretty blush over her cheeks, the way her teeth hid her lower lip from him.

“Sorry,” She murmured quickly. “I just…wanted to try that one more time… Goodnight, senpai.”

And then she was gone and the door was closing in front of him, leaving him rooted to the spot.

“Don’t apologize,” he whispered to the air and let his feet carry him home, feeling light and heavy, giddy and frustrated all at once.

By the time he got home, he was practically feverish as his mind replayed their kissing over and over again, taking him to a road of what-ifs so lascivious that reawakened the desire in his blood and made his fingers reach under his trousers and tug. Within moments, Haru fell apart against his bedsheets, exhausted, sated, and starving all over the persistent image of Gou floating naked within the swim club’s pool.

“I’m in trouble,” he groaned against a palm, and by the time he checked his alarm clock his eyes were already sagging heavily and pulling him down the familiar roads of sleep.

_3:45 AM_

_"Shit."_


	2. Chapter 2

Since that night…

Haruka hadn’t been able to look at her since.

Practice, swimming, practice, swimming, and the suddenly overwhelming pressure of choices pushed Nanase Haruka further away from his friends, from Makoto… from Gou. It was obvious that for the following weeks before Nationals, her eyes would follow him, trailing the edges of his shadows with curiosity and—when Haru dared to glance back—the slightest expression of disappointment.

Immediately, Haru had felt something stir in his chest, tug at the lowest part of his abdomen and make his cheeks heat up with an unexpected sensation. Again, the memory would tease him, and the nights that passed could only be covered in blankets of sleep so long as he pushed the fabric of his pants and let his palm tug away all the confusing heart beats and short breaths of an unwelcome desire.

It was simple.

Nanase Haruka had kissed Matsuoka Gou, had kissed her twice, and had been unable to look her in the eye since.

At first, he had believed it was just because there was a paranoia that Rin would find out Haru had all but manhandled his younger sister’s naked body. Would Rin even care that Haru had saved Gou from drowning? Probably, but not before stressing his fist into his nose for taking advantage of her emotional state and forcing himself on top of her (even if he did know, and she knew, that it hadn’t happened that way).

The very next day from their late night interaction, Haru had pushed himself from his bed sheets and upon discovering the very rigid tent of his pants that followed the teasing dreams of Gou writhing and moaning beneath his skin, immediately dunked himself in a tub full of ice cold water. As expected, Makoto appeared not long after, chuckling and even wondering as to why Haru still put himself in his bathtub when their pool would be available for swimming at the end of the day. It wouldn’t be the first time Haruka was grateful for his own habitual taciturn attitude, because no one would question why his mouth was especially tight that day. He had been happy at least that Makoto wouldn’t notice this behavior.

The walk to school was the only thing that had something resembling normalcy, because the moment they reached the school, Haru was almost immediately attacked with memories of intimate events that had happened just hours before. Focusing on his studies was almost impossible, because every other train of thought would lead him straight toward his beloved pool, and from there, back to Gou’s naked figure floating over its surface… and from there, to the kiss they shared in the club room, to the persistent images and daydreams of _what if her towel had fallen during their kiss?_

He had to excuse himself twice in the same class period just to rid himself of the pressure that built a sturdy embarassment between his legs.

When Haruka managed to scramble into a bathroom stall he was breathing hard, cheeks burning up a fire storm in rhythm to the throbbing in his pants. With a grunt and a half-bitten curse, Haru waited until the bathroom was empty before he yanked a yard of toilet paper into his hands and pressed it against the erect organ between his thighs. He had nearly bitten through his own lip to keep quiet, and when he came, he nearly collapsed to his knees.

Exhausted and sweating, Haru splashed cold water into his face and headed back to class. His teacher didn’t notice, but Makoto did.

“Oi, Haru,” the tall swimmer called after they finished class, disrupting the dark haired teen from grabbing his bento from beneath his chair. “Are you okay? You look exhausted.”

“It’s nothing,” Haruka replied and didn’t bother waiting long for his friend to follow him to the roof for lunch. Nagisa and Rei joined them there as expected, but when the thought of Gou joining them jumped to the forefront of his mind, Haru nearly broke his chopsticks trying to maintain cool. To his relief, Gou never showed up, and he never bothered asking why.

Time for practice then, and when Haruka finished changing and arrived at the pool, he was grateful to see that Amakata-sensei was the only one there, with a light encouraging smile and her usual umbrella. Haru didn’t wait for anyone else. Without thinking, he dove into the pool and let his mind empty beneath the blue of the water around.

Bubbles exhaling through his nose and mouth, Haruka allowed the waters to coax him and push him back up to the surface. He inhaled slowly when his head broke through the water, and when he glanced up, Makoto, Nagisa, and Rei were talking amongst themselves, stretching and smiling about one thing or another. The relief was only temporary because no sooner did he feel his chest settle comfortably, did a familiar head of vermillion shaded hair bounced around the bars of the fence and expose a gasping Gou, still in her school uniform.

Makoto greeted her warmly and she bowed, apologizing for being late and she went on about how she had to take a remedial exam. Then she glanced over to him, and when their eyes met, Haru was plunging back within the water, and he couldn’t help but groan out bubbles when his heart raced and his abdomen fluttered.

_Focus. Focus._

Yet, Gou didn’t approach and when Haru resurfaced after a few laps, she kept her distance, shouting encouraging words to the others. And when she looked at him, Gou only smiled as if nothing had changed and even asked if anything was wrong. Haru bit down harshly against his cheek, shook his head, said, “It’s nothing,” and returned to the water.

But the memory returned, and he remembered the way her chest had rubbed against his, and Haruka tried to carry on as if nothing. He had more important things to worry about. He couldn’t afford being distracted by Gou’s abrupt beauty, and all the details of his flesh that his body was so keenly interested in all of a sudden.

In hindsight, it was a pretty cruel thing of him to do, but Haru didn’t know what else to do other than pretending that Gou meant nothing to him aside from the being team manager and sister to his childhood rival.

Two days, then a week passed. Then, two weeks, then three. Then a month.

Time continued to pass and their meeting never came up between the two of them. When Gou would ask him questions about one thing, about her brother, about what he would do after high school, he would never find anything that resembled anger or confusion in her gaze. It was as though nothing had truly happened between them, and despite the final stilling of his racing heart, Haru didn’t know how to take her lack of reaction.

Sure enough, after enough nights of tugging and finally ignoring, his dreams moved away from the erotic fantasies of Gou screaming his name against his neck, to her lips parting in a harmless smile and urging him to make a choice, to look at her brother, and finally to the many gazes and the expectations of all of his friends. Suddenly, Haru would wake, and cold baths couldn’t shake him from the stupor of a new sensation, a worse feeling…

Finally, his mind could focus on other things. Yet there were moments when he would see her, just glimpse at the vibrant shimmering of her red hair beneath the sunlight and he would feel it. This immense frustration that made him twitch, made his belly tighten, dump him into the sight of seeing her naked and beautiful on a moonlit surface. He couldn’t help but want to punch something.

And the frustrations rose and rose.

And choices were made.

And, before Haruka knew it, his friends seemed to be the only ones caring about a future when he couldn’t even get his desires in order.

He thought he was drowning.

But then… one day, Rin appeared at his doorstep, “Oi, Haru. Let’s go.”

“Wha—Where?”

And that bastard’s ruby stare blinked back at him, “To Australia, of course.”

Then, Haru was flying. He was flying through skies, through space, into waters unknown and for once, felt like everything was going to be alright.

He was free.

Right?

Wrong…

Oh so damn _fucking_ wrong.

\--

She had reason to be upset. Hell, she had reason to be fully and completely pissed off. If Gou had half a rational mind, she would have marched up to Nanase Haruka and demanded for some kind of explanation after his performance the day after their swimming debacle. Or so, this would have been something Chigusa would have insisted she do.

Instead, Hana-chan said nothing, mainly because Gou had said nothing. So, Gou did nothing.

In the days that followed, she acted and reacted as though the late night meeting they had had never happened. Weird enough as it was, Gou didn’t blame Haruka for his behavior. In fact, if Gou could pinpoint a feeling concerning the third year’s sudden evasion of her, it was confusion. But that was all.

Okay, maybe that wasn’t all. Confusion, anxiety, even curiosity would take turns every time the blue eyed teen appeared for practice. But then, it wasn’t just anxiety either. Before Gou could even register, she was staring, far longer than she did usually, because _those muscles…_ she had felt those muscles. She had touched them. _Really_ touched them, felt them ripple beneath her fingertips while her lips were being pressed and kissed by his. And there was one more muscle, one organ she had never noticed before but one she had felt pressed to her thigh that night when he had pressed against her tight and panting…  

_“You’re important to me, even if I don’t say it.”_

_And his mouth brushed against hers…_

_“Kou…”_

With a jolt, Gou would turn away and she would flush and clear her throat when Ama-chan-sensei jumped, startled. “Matsuoka-san,” the older woman said, eyeing her carefully. “Are you alright?”

“Fine!” Gou chirped, clearing her throat and turning away, spouting some excuse about one swimming thing or another and disappearing away from the pool. It took unbelievably long for Gou to calm herself down, and splashing ice water against her reddened cheeks would give her pneumonia before she could hope to be cured of her issue.

Sure enough, the frustration that caught in her blood was becoming a daily distraction, to the point where it wasn’t just Hana-chan that was noticing. Soon though, that frustrations simmered from a boil to a steaming calm, and as time flew by, Gou became less frustratied… and more despondent. Her heart rate would still pick up when Haru appeared, but it would cease and then sunk sadly when he refused to speak or even acknowledge her aside from minor glances and one worded answers. Soon, they hardly spoke save during training, and even then, conversation was few and far in between.

“Oi,” and Gou was snapping her gaze from staring into the air to meet her older brother’s pointed stare. “What’s wrong with you, Gou? You look like you’re sick.”

Gou realized just how off she probably looked staring at her lap. She had dazed off again—a slow-building habit since that night it seemed—her cheeks were a vibrant pink that juxtaposed against her fair skin. Putting the blame on the summer heat could only get her so far. “It’s nothing,” Gou insisted with a light smile before she returned to her chilled melon drink.

“Mom said you’ve been like this,” Rin proceeded with a mutter, shifting in his seat across from her and pushing maroon strands away from his eyes. His mouth curled downwards as he studied her. “Come on, what’s going on?”

“It’s really nothing, onii-chan,” Gou shook her head and took a hearty sip of the fizzy beverage, her fingers tapping nervously over the cold glass and moist surface of the outside table. She felt slightly squeamish now, having been caught in a daze was one thing, but her mind had drifted again, conjouring up heated memories and the steamier dreams born from the confrontation between her and Haru so many weeks ago.

Nationals had come and gone. The heat between her thighs had long since left her feeling like she was broiling beneath his stare, because there was no stare left to look at her. In truth, Gou often found herself questioning whether or not that shadowed look he had given her that night had even been as intense as she recalled it. Nanase Haruka had all but disappeared from her life and the upperclassmen of the Swim Club had already retired and graduated.

The last time she had seen them was for a small party that the Swim Club had sponsored in their clubroom. It was there that she had watched them laugh and cry, watched them exchange fond memories of the good ol’ days, and finally conclude the evening with Makoto walking Haruka out the door and waving them off.

Nevermind the fact that Gou had been unconsciously trying to catch Haru’s eyes all evening, and while she wasn’t surprised, she couldn’t help but feel slightly wounded when he didn’t even bother looking at her when she gave a small speech of appreciation to the team. Instead he had kept his gaze directly over his glass of apple beer and uttered a small “ _Kanpai”_ when they all exclaimed cheers.

Still, Gou wanted to persist, she wanted to get _something_ out of the hydrophile. Chigusa had once insisted she show up to the party in nothing but a swimsuit, more to gauge the boys’ reactions and find out their sexuality once and for all, but Gou was more worried about the reaction of a certain member of the team. She doubted the result would be anything remotely good for her already sunk heart. So that was a bust. Yet by the time Makoto was making his way out the door with a dozing Haru over his shoulder, Gou had found herself somewhat wishing she had worn the stupid swimsuit.

Instead, she followed them out, her hands tied together behind her back as she exchanged final pleasantries and goodbyes with the tall swimmer.

_“Are you sure you don’t need help?”_ Gou had asked, throwing the dozing Haru a glance while Makoto watched her with a smile.

_“I’m fine,”_ Makoto chuckled, _“Haru’s not that heavy, and once we start walking he’ll probably wake up.”_

_“That’s good,”_ Gou said, smiling up at the taller boy. _“If it’s alright, could you… message me when you two get home?”_ At Makoto’s inquiring expression, Gou flushed pink. _“J-just so that I know you made it home safe.”_

Green eyes peered at her curiously, and Gou fidgeted with her frilly shirt at his scrutiny before he gave her a nod. _“That’s our manager,”_ Makoto smiled warmly, _“I have to say, I’m going to miss that.”_

_“Miss what?”_ and Makoto was reaching down and pressing a soft kiss to Gou’s forehead before she could even move.

_“Take good care of yourself, Gou-chan,”_ he said gently, and when she looked up at him she actually forgot about the dark-haired swimmer because all she could register was the unepected kiss Makoto gave her.

Gou watched them leave, her heart ramming blood like crashing waves into her ears and despite feeling disappointed that Haruka had never said so much as a phrase to her that night, she felt warm because she at least mattered to her team. Still… why would he kiss her? The abrupt contact had through the young woman for a serious headspin. Her cheeks flushed red now with the force of her own slaps to snap out of it.

Eventually their third year came, and the months passed.

Gou had been more than happy to see new recruits, new muscles, and new faces. The efforts of their senpais had not gone unrewarded and Gou had found herself tearing up when they offered their first party of the year.

The new recruits were ample and Gou had taken a page from her brother on how to make cuts and trials to ensure a strong team. Nagisa had been a bit of a handful when it came to narrowing down the results, and the two often found themselves bickering over who should get a spot on the team.

Rei had taken up the mantle of President of the club—much to his surprise—since Nagisa was more interested in enjoying the fruits of a VP and basically do nothing but swim. Rei took to the position like a fish in water (ironically enough) and worked alongside Gou to make sure their results improved every practice.

Gou had found immense happiness as manager, and loved how all their recruits would address her so respectfully.

“Watch out, Gou-chan!” Nagisa had snickered one late summer day as the team jumped into the pool. Gou peered up from her notepad to direct a flat look at the blonde penguin. She had long given up on having Nagisa address her by her preferred name, but she fought back with passive-aggressive stares and occasional cold shoulders. Still, Nagisa was a persistent little shit, and found ways to get her to warm back instantly.

Nagisa proceeded, grinnning up at her from the edge of the pool. “Otherwise they’re all going to fall in love with you!”

“Get back to your laps, Nagisa.” Gou retorted with a huff, aiming a spraybottle of ice water at his face. The cold spray made him cry out with a laugh before he plunged into the chlorine. His warning wasn’t ignored, however. Several weeks later, Gou had suddenly found confessional notes in her locker and even in the club room.

Setsuya Machiko, Hanazuri Mikado, Hiori Sarada. They were really kind and hardworking swimmers and Gou had been very fond of them during training since they took her guidance with an almost reverent acceptance. It had been extremely embarassing to decline their confessions and only one of them had lashed out with wounded feelings.

“I don’t understand,” Machiko had said through teary blue eyes. The shade reminded her far too close of a familiar man who had once kissed her and abandoned her. But this wasn’t Haruka… “I thought that…”

Machiko broke off suddenly before looking elsewhere. Gou remained quiet as a cool breeze brushed past them. “Is there someone else you love, Matsuoka-san?”

Gou had started at that, ruby eyes widening as the words churned in her mind. _Love…?_

Gou parted her lips, ready to deny the idea and convince Setsuya-kun that there was no room for love in her heart. But the words caught in her throat and she remembered Haru and she remembered the words he had spoken to her months ago.

_“You’re important to me, even if I don’t say it…”_

Something shook her deep in her chest, made her heart beat a little stronger in her chest as her mind reeled. Gou looked away, pushing her gaze to land over the earth between her and Setsuya-kun.

“Setsuya-kun,” Gou began, unsure what to say.

“It’s okay,” He answered and when she looked up, eyes rimmed with tears, he was smiling at her broadly. “But, for what it’s worth, senpai, he doesn’t deserve you if he’s left you waiting this long.”

And with that, Machiko turned around and walked off, leaving Gou to ponder his words and question her own feelings.

_I don’t love him… do I?_

In all sense of the word, Gou wasn’t sure. Which disturbed her more than anything considering the nature of their relationship. Up until that night and even long after, hers and Haruka’s relationship had been of distant friends… if even that. She’d demonstrate her support, speak to him when things bothered him, in all honesty, she cared about him. That much was alright to admit.

But to _love_ him?

It made no sense. They’d only kissed once—well twice—and while the entire event had left her frazzled and her skin feeling like she had been hooked into a live electric wire, she doubted the situation had been enough to shift their relationship. In fact, it hadn’t. Otherwise she wouldn’t even be dealing with this mental quagmire.

But...she did _like_ him, at least?

There was no doubt that Gou hadn’t held back when ogling him, but that was a simple admiration of muscles! Athleticism prevailed and Gou enjoyed it! It wasn’t that Haruka wasn’t attractive, he was certainly very handsome. But there needed to be more to having deep feeling for a person than that!

Yes, they kissed. Yes, _it was the best kiss of her life_. Yes, she had kind of hoped something would happen.

But nothing did, and she didn’t mind.

So… why?

Why was she crying here, on her own, near the back of the school on an early autumn day…?

Why did her chest feel so tight and messed up and just so _strange_ at the thought that she might love… love…

Love Nanase Haruka?

Shaky hands pressed against strained lips and gritted teeth. Gou clenched her eyes shut, feeling tears rive down her cheeks and fall against her knuckles.

“I can’t…!” She whispered to herself, throat tight. “I can’t be…!”

But she remembered.

She remembered how it was to have her naked skin press against his, have his eyes trail over hers in something dark and desirable. She remembered his gentle words, his encouragement, and his confession of how much she had done for them. She had felt appreciated beneath his eyes—no… she had felt _wanted._

_“That’s our manager.”_ Makoto had once said gently and the burn of his lips over her forehead made her want to fall to her knees.

_“You’re such a reliable manager!”_ Nagisa had grinned, receiving a bottle of apple juice Gou had had to hunt through the school’s vending machines to get.

_“Thank you, Gou-kun.”_ Rei had said, smiling warmly through his glasses and lifting a hand for her to highfive. Glue and glitter stuck to their fingertips and Gou couldn’t help but share his laugh when they looked over the silly banner to press over the clubroom.

“ _You’re important to me,” Haru’s eyes were sincere, his hands warm over her bare shoulders and gripping her close even as she shook with a chill. “Even if I don’t say it.”_

Haruka had reminded her how important she was to the team… _I owe a lot to you…_

And it was then that Gou realized that she hadn’t just fallen in love with her role as a manager… she hadn’t just fallen in love with a silly boy for an affinity for water.

She had fallen in love with the hopes and dreams of her teammates. And she wanted nothing more than to share in their dreams… Share in Nanase Haruka’s dream.

Matsuoka Gou had fallen in love… and it both freed and consumed her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess this fic will be multi-chaptered after all.   
> I am such trash.

**Author's Note:**

> I really don't even know. I doubt I managed to even get them in character. Seriously. See this is why we don't stay up late reading erofics, kids. This sort of shit happens. Anyway, there may be another chapter. there may not. depends on popular demand... yeahp
> 
> EDIT: I updated a few things, like how Haru addresses Gou -- since apparently he still only calls her "Kou." also fixed up a couple of things.... meh. whatever


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